Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Where's the friend I once knew?

I know arguments between friends are common. I also know that after an argument has been resolved, both parties would become closer to one another. But it isn't so for me and the person whom I thought was a buddy.

I did not mean for an argument to happen. All I did was asked her to forget about what happened at the Judo Nationals and be friends with our senior again. But this particular team-mate of mine brought external factors into the conversation and used them as excuses to not rekindle the friendship. So yada yada yada, there was a catfight and even now, 2 weeks later, we still shoot invisible daggers at each other whenever we make eye-contact.

Don't get me wrong; I love this friend of mine. I've known here for 5 years, way back in 2001, and we've been training together eversince. I dial her number and rant at her whenever I'm pissed, I use pencil leads to scratch her thighs during Chinese periods and through her, I got to make many new friends from other institutions.

if only the conflict didn't occur. Just last Sunday, She said something that made me think, "Is she worth apologising to?"

My fellow judokas & I were SOTONG enough to think that Pesta Sukan was on the 21st of August. I met Jon (Lee) and Zhi Jian at Bedok Bus Interchange around 8.45am and we came across the friend, alamak... call her Xiao Wan can? Ok, so we crossed paths with Xiao Wan and 2 other girls outside Bedok Sports Hall. We entered that bloody place only to find middle-aged people (some with really hairy legs) playing badminton. -_-"

We thought, "Err... maybe there's been a change in time. It could start at 10am instead of 9." Xiao Wan then made her way to the VIP seats and since the judokas of EV were used to sitting in one huge cluster, Jon, ZJ and I very instinctively followed Xiao Wan and her girlfriends to the orange-coloured seats.

Guess what Xiao Wan said to the boys and I when she saw us following her?

"You guys want to sit here huh? If you all wanna sit here then I sit elsewhere. I feel embarrassed sitting with the 3 of you."

WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! Embarrassed to be seen within 5 metres of me? Ok, fine. It's not cool to hang out with yours truly. I couldn't get into NYP on my first attempt. I'm a judoka who's skills are nothing as compared to hers. I don't have a distinction in Maths like her.

A 5 year long friendship; over within the blink of an eye. All the fun times we've had, the tears we've seen each other shed, the injuries we've sustained while training together... it all comes down to this. Silent treatments, evil glares, face-offs etc.

Is this incident worth crying over? Is this friendship worth saving? Never in my life did I think someone could actually say in my face that she didn't want to be seen with me. I'm hurt, I won't deny. I want my old friend back. The one whom I pounce on, tickle till she turns pink, chase around the play area and secretly take photos of. I guess this marks the end of it all. This week's Pesta Sukan would be the last Judo event I attend. No more trainings as well.









Oh crap! What am I saying?! I love the sport too much to give it all up halfway. Not forgetting, I love Sensei and my juniors... how could I live without them?

Howells, losing ONE friend beats losing everything I hold dear. =P