Tuesday, January 31, 2006

QUITTING AND LEAVING

I just wrote my resignation letter a few moments ago. No, I am not quitting because I cannot work under pressure. I'm doing so because I realise that I'm completely occupied with work and missing out on what used to be important to me. What happened to the clubbing trips with the Bitches? What happened to the sleepover at Hajar's? What happened to soccer-mania? What happened to the promise I made to Josco about going back to SJSM? Judo; what on earth has happened to my techniques?!!

This is the time for me to sit back and bum around, which is why I signed up as a part-time
waitress and not a full-time one! But somehow, Joe has been making me work at least five days a week. Sometimes even more. I am only entitled to have one day off out of seven?!

THIS IS ATROCIOUS!

For my schedule this week, I listed down that I couldn't work on Monday (today) and on Saturday because of family gatherings. C'mon, you people should understand; it's the Lunar New Year! But Joe actually came up to me and said, "Kim, you can choose either Monday or Saturday as your off-day. So which will it be?"

Eh?!!

Am I on drugs or did my manager just question me about my schedule? That's what working PART-TIME is all about, isn't it? I have the right to choose when to work! But what's with the "you-only-have-one-day-off" shit?! Then I might as well work FULL-TIME right (and I don't intend to)?

I am not about to let work take up my youth. Once I get my pay for February, it's bye-bye Billy Bombers. It's been two months since the 'O's ended and what have I been doing? Slogging my guts out!

To the staff at Bugis, none of this is aimed at any of you. While working back there, I did feel like a part-timer. Mag gave me AT LEAST three days' off, which is why I absolutely can't stand Joe's way of handling things. Why is he monitoring my attendence when it is written in black and white that I AM ONLY WORKING PART-TIME?!

Enough is enough. Come 15th February, I'm giving my uniform back, taking my pay and walking far, far away from Marina Square. Jasmine, Ashley, Ruyan, Adeline, Garry, Louis, Dhanny, Cecilia and Claudia, you will all be in my prayers. Thank you for everything.


Letter to *Mushroom (kay-pohs, this is not an entry for attention):

I've been thinking about it and my answer is no. As much as I do not wish to be tied down by work, I do not want to be tied down by a relationship, which I know for a fact, would not last. I'm gonna be 18 this year. I want to enjoy every single moment of it because I'm never gonna be 18 again.

I wanna go crazy with my Bitch. I wanna hang out with The Boobies. I wanna resume Judo trainings with Sharky at NYP. I wanna roam the town with Kathy and Kelly. And while I'm doing all of those, I don't want to deal with phone-calls from you asking about my whereabouts or what I'm doing at the moment or what time I'll be home etc.

You're a nice guy. You will find a better girl, someone who's willing to sacrifice time for you, make time for you and spend time with you. I'm not that girl, I'm not anyone's girl.

This isn't LOVE, this is lust and infatuation. This is one of the two reasons why I can't accept you. The second would be because I'm commitment-phobic. Clara knows this. Jen knows this. Amal, Hajar and Fir should know this as well.



Fact #1 about Cancerians: They are Commitment-phobic!

You'll never hear a Cancerian talk about stuff like, "What do you think OUR future will be?", or "When do you think WE'LL get married?", or simply talk about anything that concerns a 'us' on a long-term basis, or a 'future', which is, admittedly, rather unpredictable. Unless, that is, you guys are ALREADY seriously considering marriage.

Otherwise, Cancerians will never broach the topic, unless forced to. To them, there are no 'what-ifs'; they hate to think about what-ifs. Everyday is a new day, and they will just live the day as it comes. Of course, they will have their plans for their futures. But, these plans usually are a guide to themselves, like "When will I want to get married?", or "Where my career be in 10 years?", or "What will my future home be like?". What-ifs are totally senseless (to them).

They hardly will make the long-term plans with a special one specifically in mind, and this especially applies to guys. They dare not approach the topic, even during casual chats, because they are afraid their girls will hold them to their words. On their part, they think that they are merely being careful, so that in the future, they will not have to be held responsible for what they had said during casual chats. I mean, how often do you mean the things that you said on serious topics during casual chats? Even if you did mean them back then, chances are that the current circumstances are not the same, and your views have changed.
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You see???

I'm a lousy lover/partner/girlfriend/boo or whatever you wanna call it. Think it's not a good enough excuse? Here's another:


Fact #2: Cancerians love themselves. Alot.

It is very rare, they will love someone else (who is not from their families) more than himself. He will not change for anyone's sake, regardless how good your reasons might be. To him, a relationship is a bonus to his life, and not something that is PART of his life. You will always be the additional little circle attached to his original circle; very rarely will a Cancerian allow the additional little circle to be integrated into his original circle.

Unless, of course, if you marry him/her. Then you'll be part of his/her family, thus becoming part of his initial circle.Cancerians, like I've said, will rarely change himself for the sake of anyone's. Take it, or leave it. What you see is what you get. But he will change, if nagged at, albeit grudgingly. And of course, your reasons would have to be super valid in order to budge him. Also, he would change if it really really made you unhappy, but he wouldn't be happy after changing either. In fact, whenever given the chance, it'll be back to square one again. Vicious cycle.
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I don't wanna see you get hurt emotionally. I'm afraid I won't be going out for a movie with you anytime soon either. Please understand; a relationship is not a must-have to me. Even if I do agree to be with you now, I'll dump you the moment my semester at NYP starts. There's more to my life than just flowers, sweet words and mush.

I live for myself, my family, my friends and my sports (Judo, EPL, Serie A, La Liga). You haven't seen the real me. You have yet to witness me go berserk, yell at others over the slightest issue, scream profanities like there was no tomorrow and being a complete bum.

I repeat, it's not love that you're experiencing. It's lust. All that your eyes have come in contact with is a face with foundation powder, eye-liner, mascara, blush and lip-gloss. Even if it is love, you're just loving me for what I am; not who I am.

Sorry, but it's not gonna work out. It'll never work out. I guess my resignation will do both of us good. That way, you won't be distracted and I won't have to feel the guilt of rejecting you. Thank you for the late night calls and sweet sms-es. You were a wonderful friend to have.