Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Insecure, lonesome self.

All I need is to know that I belong somewhere, some place. The feeling of emptiness within me is undescribably scary. The silence that comes to me every night leaves me with wild thoughts churning in my head over and over again. With the environment being so quiet, it's actually deafening. Yes, you heard me. THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING!

Whatever I've had before is gone, lost and can never be found. I took a shot at it and I backed out halfway. The opportunity is no longer there and making amends now isn't gonna change anything. The more I try to make up for it, the more I feel disappointed for taking things for granted.

Look around you, how many people are there who walk around with smiles or grins on their faces?

Look deeper within them; notice anyone with an unexposed torned heart or shattered dreams?

What is my reason for being here? To be mocked at? To undergo humiliating circumstances and have people laugh at me for being a loser? Or am I simply planted in this situation to suffer?

There seems to be a rather huge problem with me; I can't cry anymore. The tears won't flow out as easily as they used to. It's like as though my tear glands vanished overnight. Or maybe, as someone told me, it's a sign from God; I've cried on way too many occasions over such incidents back then and it's time to put a stop to it all.

Distractions!! I need tonnes of 'em right now.

I should get myself into trouble more often these days. Being a "good girl" is no fun!! If I stepped on my dad's head, maybe he'd send me somewhere else where I can start anew. That's exactly what I yearn for at this moment!! A new home, a new life, a new start to everything. Forget about this current life and the problems it is being filled with. I want a new me and I want it now!

Shut it out, Kim. SHUT IT ALL OUT! The possibility of it happening is smack right next to impossible. I need an over-dosage of strawberries to make my breathing come to a halt.

Dad and Mum - Thank you for the love
Li'l Sis - Thanks for the constant torments
Granny, Grandma - Forever you'll be in my tiny heart
1st aunt & uncle - Praise be to the both of you
My adorable nephews - Grow in the path of wisdom
Cousins - Live like you've never lived before
Friends (whom I have nothing against) - Reach for the stars and live your dreams
Friends (whom I simply can't stand the sight of) - Die!

My songpiece is written, the orchestra plays on, the musical comes to an end, the audience applauds, I trip whilst onstage and fall into a sleep so deep, no known revival method can wake me up.