Friday, February 22, 2008

The good & bad of L-O-V-E

Sometimes, I lie in bed and think to myself, "How does it feel like to stab a knife into your heart?".

It scares me that you're able to lift my spirits up with nothing more than a smile, yet also able to make my soul crash into the mantle of this planet by just mouthing a few (illogical) words. I don't deny the strong urge of wanting to knock the shit out of you sometimes. But then again, I love you too much to hurt you that severely; I'll prolly just settle for those regular punches that your shoulders receive.

That's what Love is all about, no?

It makes you feel good but it can also kill you. I get so tired of it sometimes.

Hell, I've never fancied the idea of living for someone. There's no harm in entering a relationship, but being in love with a person DOESN'T mean worshipping him/her. That's one peculiar thing about humans who're lost in the eyes of their significant other. Seriously, there are PLENTY of Gods out there for you to look up to but you chose to lick the soles of a fellow Homosapien?!

And I thought people who worshipped Jedi Knights were nutcases.

Oh, right, Thou should not be judgmental towards others. Just because my boyfriend isn't my first priority, it doesn't apply to the public. But whatever, you know. I'm gonna say my piece whether ya'll like it or not; I DON'T LIVE FOR LOVE. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, so be it. Life goes on as per usual.

To me, a relationship is a bonus, not a must-have. Raiden was (and still is) a gift. I met him coincidentally when I went back for trainings. I didn't join NYP Judo Club because of him, so it can't be said that I went looking for Love. He happened to be there, at that point of time when I walked into the dojo... coincidentally.




How apt =)

Maybe it's due to the way my dad brought me up... "When you're young and still in school, studies are the most important. When you eventually come out to work, family overtakes all others".

Dad, dad...

Simple sentences like this can influence me to such a huge extend, my gosh. Trust me, there's plenty more from where that came from. His quotes range from teenage rebelliousness to appreciating the simple things in life to karma getting back at unfilial children etc.

Many a time, I wanna be a full-time rebel (like those you see on TV) but his words are etched too deeply in my head. It's hard to wanna do my own thing without a bother in this world when I've got parenteral teachings stuck in my mind.

I have gone waaayyyy off-track, havent I? HAHAHAHAHA!! From wanting to murder someone, to how love kills a person, to human-worshipping, to me being judgmental, to Raiden being a God-send (praise!), to how my father teaches me... This is what happens when you engage in too many flow-chart drawings in Secondary School!

"Let your thoughts flow with the chart..."

Flow with the chart, my ass! I am so accustomed to it that I can't even write while sticking strictly to one specific topic! Wonder how much I scored for my composition during the big 'O's. Bet I digressed at one part or another. Who cares now, man?! I'M HAPPY WITH MY MARKS!

Crap. Just look at what just happened. Was talking about those sickening flow-charts and the subject drifted off to the Cambridge Exams.

I gotta stop here. But I'll update often from now on because EXAMS ARE OVERRRR!!!