Friday, September 28, 2007

Because God implanted me in a Singaporean woman's womb!

I'm Singaporean, so what?!

I speak Singlish 99.99% of the time, so what??!!

I WATCH SINGAPORE IDOL, SO WHAT???!!!

What is so bad about being a local with a super cheem cina name and a fucking common surname? You know, I'm thankful my chinese name is the ultra-uber cheemology chinese kind; very few people have the same name as me ;) And the one and only person whom I'm aware shares the same name happens to be my girl buddy.

I don't have a middle name.

BIG, HAIRY, FUCKING DEAL!

Another thing I should be thankful for. I need not shade my name like crazy on OMR forms during my exams. Oh, and having fucked up middle names doesn't make a person more ang-moh than someone who's stuck with an awful-sounding name such as Chong Bee Geok (there's no such person lah. Just had to come up with some dumb dialect name to make my point clear!).

I also got same surname as MM and PM. *sigh*

Yah lah, yah lah... I converse in the sinful and forbidden Singaporean lingo like, ALL THE TIME. You might think that I'm your typical ah-lian/minah-lian who lives in a run-down HDB flat at some ulu corner of the little red dot and does NOTHING but lepak at void decks and smoke pot.

I do live in a HDB flat, I do admit looking like an ah-lian but haven't you been taught that you can NEVER, NEVER, EVER judge a book by it's cover?

You think I can't handle your flowery language and bombastic jargons eh? HAHAHAHA!!! I'm not gonna say much here because I know you can never (in a thousand years) beat the marks I got for my prelim orals, my actual 'O' level English paper and I can bet whatever I have left in my bank account that you will NEVER be able to impress Susan Leong in your individual presentation. =)

Sometimes, it is better for one to just act all blur, Dorie-like (wahahaha!) and speak like an illiterate asshole than to appear all HIGH AND MIGHTY when you come across people you're not familiar with. It is only then that you can tell whether the people you've met are judgemental and prejudiced against you for being 'dumb' or they truly own a heart of gold.

Agree?

Nabeh. I watch Singapore Idol also kena scrutinised. Fuck! Cannot watch local productions huh?! Singapore Idol very low standard as compared to American Idol is it? Then what you want me to watch huh?! Zimbabwean Idol? Timbaktu Idol? Or South China Sea idol? Fucking twerb.

Sorry lah, me currently got no moolahs to migrate over to the US of A. So until I give up citizenship here, I shall continue fascinating about Hady, taufik and Jonathan (who's really cute! i ran into him at Daughtry's gig).

You very ang-moh right?! Then still make such a big fuss over not being able to catch that Chinese guy's concert for what?! So pro-engrish language then still listen to chinese rap... POSER ALERT!

Cheebye McNugget.

One more time you start your nonsense with me and I swear,
I will kick you so hard in the balls,
you'd fly all the way up to space
and you'll forget you've ever had a religion
and the stars will poke your eyes
and the comets burn your smelly ass
and you fucking can't survive the pain in your groin
and you're dying of hypertension
and you can no longer speak bloody Queen's English with me
and i'll be on earth screaming "FUCKENHUT KUKU" and "NEH POK CHEESEBUN" to you
and then you will come to realise, "Hey, maybe it's not such a good idea to be a FAGGY FAGFACE afterall."

But then again, I might not be able to kick that hard anymore due to my knee injury. I can still, unfortunately for you, squeese human boob/ball juice out from their sacs pretty well.

SO HELP ME GOD OR I WILL PUNCH YOU SO HARD IN THE CROTCH YOU WILL SUDDENLY FORGET YOU HAVE A RELIGION AND PRAY TO EVERY KNOWN GOD IN THE GALAXY.